Dueling Selves

As I awake each day, I know in my core that I am a woman. I believe it strongly, however I am with someone that I love dearly; however, she does not support me like this. She means the world to me and has always supported me as a guy. When it comes to my crossdressing/transvestitism she wants nothing to do with it. It's almost an insult to her. But consistently, the urge to dress up is always inside me. It never goes away. When I repress it, it just gets stronger. She will go off to work and I race to dress up, put makeup up, go shopping for clothes. That is the real me.

It's the little things that excite me in dressing up: curling my hair under, or putting on a new eyeshadow pallet. Heck, I bought ballet slippers and they are the world's comfyest shoes. I'm just good at being feminine. It's my natural state of being.

However, this dueling seleves I'm going through can not last. Simply put, one person will emerge from this, and I am not sure who that's going to be.

Lastly, I find comfort in writing all this out. I know many people in the world are going through the same situation I am. Please let me know if you can relate.